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by • May 5, 2023 • Opinion, PoliticsComments (0)196

DeSantis Takes Over Disney and Unveils New Right Wing Rides

Disney World has sued Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis. The company claims that the state is retaliating against it for speaking out against Gov. Ron DeSantis’ discriminatory “Don’t Say Gay” law.

This ridiculous war against Disney has caused Floridians worry that there will be a negative economic impact on the state. Disney is the largest single taxpayer in Central Florida and contributed 1.1billion dollars in state and local taxes in 2022.

But if our intrepid governor takes over, he has a solid financial plan. He’s going to rename Walt Disney World, White DeSantis World. It’s going to be the country’s first right wing, anti-woke theme park. Would you like to hear about some of the new attractions:

  • Space Mountain is going to be replaced with Jewish Space Laser Mountain.

 

  • The yearly event, Gay Days at Disney World, will be transformed into “Pray Away the Gay Days” at DeSantis World.

 

  • The Snow White and the 7 Dwarves exhibit? It will be renamed Snow White Power, featuring a dwarf throwing contest. It’s going to be a proudly politically incorrect park…But there is a happy ending. DeSantis names Dopey as his Surgeon General he’s and put in charge of the state’s Covid response. Meanwhile, Sneezy is reprimanded by the governor for wearing a mask.

 

  • In another exhibit, Gov. DeSantis takes away Captain Hook’s Medicaid, repossesses his hook and renames him Captain Stump. In Florida, Even disabled pirates must take personal responsibility. DeSantis World is a land of “makers”, not “takers.”

 

  • On another ride, The Evil Queen and Cruella are accused of being witches and burned at the stake. Fun, fun.

 

  • Then, you go to Epcot, where upon entrance, you get your immigration papers checked, and you then you learn about the diverse cultures of people on the deportation bus to Martha’s Vineyard.

 

  • On a brand new ride, the Little Mermaid is upbraided for her trans-human identity. The state forces her to detransition into a fish.

 

  • Winnie the Pooh is rounded up after he is accused of sexualizing children. To be honest, DeSantis has a point here. Why is the bear wearing a shirt, but no pants? Lock him up.

 

  • In one popular new attraction, Peter Pan is fined for being non-binary. He’s forced to pawn his green tights for a lumberjack suit. In Florida, men must dress like real men.

 

  • Pocahontas is played by an Elizabeth Warren lookalike and she profusely thanks western civilization for bringing malaria, the clap and baptizing her forefathers against their will.

 

  • Guests will enter the enchanted Magic Kingdom castle whereupon Mickey Mouse will educate guests on why he and Minnie’s children should not have to pay the “Death Tax” for their giant estate.

 

  • The movie Frozen will change its name to Frozen: It’s still Cold So Global Warming is a Hoax.

 

  • In my absolute favorite attraction, theme park guests are allowed to stand their ground against Donald Duck and then eat his wings at Hooters, just to stick it to the vegetarians.

 

  • The character Woody is accused of sexualizing guests and forced to change his name to Ward. For now, Woody Woodpecker is safe since he works for Loony Toons.

For those worried about the economic impact on Florida, the governor has it all figured out. He plans to make millions of dollars by selling DeSantis World children’s books – mainly because it’s the only reading material still not banned in Florida.

Yes, kiddies, DeSantis World sounds like so much family fun. Badger your parents into making reservations today.

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